Posts Tagged ‘Stuff I’m Going To Tell You Anyway’

So today I get to have my boobs squeezed between a variety of metal plates while some tech takes radiation pictures that may or with my luck, may not make me sterile.

Being 42 is awesome.

Actually, being 42 IS awesome. I realized yesterday that I am having way more fun these days than I did in my twenties, and that’s even taking into consideration the fact that I barely remember my 20′s on account of the massive quantities of booze, pills and other illegal and yet highly available substances I ingested.

I spent most of my life in the grip of anxiety and the panoply of mental illnesses I am afflicted with. I didn’t have many friends, or much of a typical childhood and my teen years, what I remember of them, are mostly me wracked with social anxiety. And drugs, lots of drugs.

We also moved A LOT, which kind of made everything else much more challenging.

These days, most of that is under control. Not gone, because I’m not sure that such an integral part of me can ever be gone, but I manage that shit. I learned, over time, that while fear ran my life, I was not going to be happy or have fun.

Fuck that shit.

So now, no matter how I feel, I take my meds. I go to meetings. I make plans with people and most of those people become friends.

Even when I am having a bad day, a day when I feel worthless or hopeless, I can recognize that it’s just a feeling. Feelings aren’t facts, and they will pass if I just keep doing the things I need to do.

That, my friends, is a fucking miracle. And is directly responsible for the really great life I now have.

Ok, enough if this feelings stuff. So over it, dudes. Let’s talk about something else. Without feelings.

So today my computer spontaneously downloaded a virus pretending to be antivirus software. I know, right? Even my computer is a smart ass.

Robert answered my eventually desperate call for help and told me how to fix what I am now calling The Issue, because when the Unbearable Hotness actually called me, I told him that the computer was broken, and he told me I was wrong, and then something about software, but by then I had stopped listening, because if Robert was taking the time to inform me of my wrongness, it probably was not gonna be that hard to fix. This is the wonder that is the Unbearable Hotness Of Robert.

And so I am obviously on line once more, which is awesome.

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I had a physical this week, my first in three years, because I am usually so busy doing health crisis management that I forget to do the regularly scheduled maintenance.

You will be thrilled to know, however, that with all of this technology, PAP smears and mammograms? Still pretty gruesome.

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So a long time ago, I submitted a post to Indie Ink. It was so very long ago that I forgot what the post was about. Turns out, it was about sex toys. Been causing quite a stir, apparently.

My parents are so very proud.

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So to recap: every single thing in my life is a smart ass, I am remarkably healthy for someone in bad health, and last year I bought two sex toys. And lube. Let us not forget the lube.

*sigh*

I’m going to watch some Shark Week to take the taste of despair out of my mouth. Tastes like sock, BTW.

So, it’s Shark Week, and I keep running into people who are like What’s the big deal? What’s so great about sharks?

This is brain freezingly annoying.

Sharks ARE AWESOME. They are an apex predator, the top of the ocean food chain, and yet, unlike other top predators, we know almost nothing about them.

Like lions. They have been studied and researched, and so we know tons about them. But great white sharks? Not only do we not know much about them, they have never been able to keep one alive in captivity for more than a matter of days. That is fucking fascinating.

I have been fascinated by sharks since I was seven, which is when I saw Jaws for the first time. Yeah, I was scared out of my wits, but I was also seriously interested.

And so I started to read everything I could about sharks, and was amazed. They have barely changed in the millions of years they have been here. There are sharks that can swim in fresh, brackish water, and have been seen some 400 miles up river. There are so many different kinds of sharks, it could make your head spin.

They are beautiful, and amazing and seriously endangered, because of the fear generated about them, because they are a delicacy in some parts of the world, and because they are casualties of commercial fishing. And since they reproduce slowly and infrequently, there have been serious inroads made into the populations.

So the fact that great whites have been seen off the New England coast and elsewhere off the US is excellent news, because the presence of apex predators is an indicator of a healthy ocean ecosystem.

So yeah, I love the Shark Week. And yeah, I love the sharks. And no, I do not swim. I mean, I know how, I just choose not to. Small price to pay, I think.

I had burritos for breakfast. Not breakfast burritos, just burritos.

I am not locked in to your bourgeoisie ideas of appropriate meals, dude.

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Yesterday, the Unbearable Hotness of Robert said on the Twitter that I have all the programming savvy of a Luddite. I was going to be offended, but then I realized that he was absolutely correct. I can’t even do my WordPress updates without breaking my blog.

Very lowering, but totally correct, I’m afraid. And why I’m not allowed to do anything to the blog except post to it.

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Not sure what los Gatos would do if I died. Well, first of all they would have to find somewhere else to sit.

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I’ve been watching that new show Haven on the SciFy channel. It’s quite good. Also Rizzoli and Isles on TNT and Leverage. See, I DO watch more than cartoons. I also watch shows about murder.

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I’m not sure I like your tone.

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And now I’m gonna go live my life. And by that, I mean watch some TV.

So I had my fistula roto-routered yesterday and it went very well. But for some reason, even though I went to bed at 8:30 and slept really well all night, I have felt kind of, I don’t know, scooped out today.

Not hopped up or anything, but kind of hung over, in a not focusing, kind of ditzy way, that is totally unlike my normal, ditzy way.

So I spent today resting and drinking soda water and juice spritzers. I didn’t eat much yesterday, my procedure wasn’t scheduled until 1PM and actually got started late. So I had a sandwich at the hospital (weird, but I have a sandwich every time I get this done, and I don’t know if it’s because I am really starving, but the hospital box lunch is super excellent) and I apparently had a bunch of ramen before I fell asleep. Anyway, I ate good-for-you food most of the day and then some pepperoni pizza to get rid of the last bits of hung over feeling. It totally worked, too, proving that my alcoholic history DOES come in handy occasionally.

So now I’m gonna watch some Dragonball and pick up my life where it left off, tomorrow.