Posts Tagged ‘SHUT UP’

It’s cold and rainy in Seattle, and pretty much everyone who lives here is pissed. Because this weather is typical here. In NOVEMBER. Not June.

It’s making everyone grumpy. Except me, because grumpy is pretty much my baseline, and I like this kind of weather. It’s why I moved here in the first place.

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Montel Williams pisses me off. I mean, people look up to him, and there he is on the TV telling people to get payday loans. That shit just ain’t right. Payday loans are like a pox on the poor.

I would like to punch him in the throat.

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So I was watching this show, Cupcake Wars, and one of the competitors looked just like Barbie, and she immediately made me angry, and so I was rooting against her, and of course she won.

I hate that.

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Ok, I am so done. Time for World Cup. And chips. SHUT UP.

I may not have mentioned this before, but I have cats.

Three evil, enormous, geriatric cats.

I have managed to maintain a level of three cats for the past decade or so. I am a sucker for the bastards, so this has been challenging, but I have clung to the principle because we all know that four cats would make me a cat lady officially.

I WILL NOT BE AN OFFICIAL CAT LADY.

So I recently became a  friend on the Facebook with the Seattle Humane Society. And it turns out that May is adopt a senior pet month. And so they are featuring kitties that are over three years old.

This has not been a good thing for me.

Given the opportunity, I would adopt ALL the kitties. And I would love them and keep them and feed them forever and ever.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for the little bastards. No, really, it’s like they see SUCKER in big red letters on my forehead. Then they start butting me with their heads and then it’s all over except for the 40lb boxes of cat litter.

Fortunately, the three cats I currently have are SO EVIL, I would not dare expose some unsuspecting kitty to their quite possibly murderous clutches.

So see? Evil can be a GOOD thing.

So the surgery seems to have gone well, and I am home and lying on the couch and it has taken me many minutes and a bunch of do overs to type this sentence.
They had to give me a bunch of drugs and I am still a little loopy and also really thirsty and glad I have Coke Zero because it’s really yummy.
I think I should go nap before I type something I may regret. Just the idea of that is intriguing, isn’t it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So it turns out that no matter how hungry you are when you begin, by the time you have made an entire won ton wrapper package worth of dumplings you will not really be interested in anything but yogurt. A very small amount of yogurt. That you may actually end up sharing with your giant evil idiot cat.

Just saying.

My hair, which, if you have ever met me you know I am terribly vain about, looks like a shit cracker.

No, seriously, I said to one of my random gays I HAVE ROOTS and he was all OH YES YOU DO, and when your gays can’t even be bothered to lie about your roots THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT ISSUE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

But I had loaned out money at the beginning of the month, and so could not get that shit rectified, and apparently, IT DOES NOT GET BETTER WITHOUT THE SERIOUS APPLICATION OF MONEY.

And someone was all Pick up some color from the drugstore, and then I had to slap her, because that shit is for teenagers and people who don’t care, where as I am HYPERAWARE of my hair, people, and the only person who can do it in a way that does not make me want to attack it with cuticle scissors is Amy over at the Red Chair and GOD HELP US ALL if she ever stops doing hair for some reason, because that shit will get UGLY. I promise.

Fortunately she had room for me on Thursday, and I say fortunately because I was about to start asking total strangers for reassurance and I think we all know where THAT leads and also that not a one of you has money to bail me out for accosting strangers and yelling at them about my hair.

Also, I hate St Patrick’s Day and don’t know why you’d bother unless you lived in Boston, which is pretty much where we’ve been keeping the Irish since they got here. Just sayin’.