Posts Tagged ‘Begging’

So, two days ago I ran out of dry cat food, and Los Gatos have been acting like they have NEVER BEEN FED IN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES.

I fed them wet food twice a day, but they still howled and sat in the kitchen all day. In the morning, they circled me on the bed like loud, furry sharks, smacking me with their paws, and trying to sit on my head.

Then I got their dry food, put it out in bowls and they promptly ignored it.

I do not always like my cats.

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So, I sold my books, and got a great price for some of them, and a not very good at all price for the rest. And I am totally fine with that, because the point was to get rid of stuff. The money is just a bonus. You know, for tacos.

I like tacos.

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Grant sent me healing popcorn this week, because I read on WebMD that the cure for all my illnesses was bacon and cheddar popcorn, and everyone knows that they don’t put stuff on the internet that isn’t true.

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In other news, I have decided that my totally inability to be healthy in any sense of the word is no longer going to prevent me from dating. There are a lot of people in this world, fully half of them are men, and of those there is bound to be at least one who can not only handle my freakshow of medical issues but love me because of that.

I mean, statistically, it should work, right?

Yeah, I know it’s totally a copout to not post anything for days and then to come back with a list. But I did it anyway, because I’m contrary like that.

You perhaps begin to see why Bev Kaply refers to me as a pill.

I have been not well, and it turns out that my blood was too acidic. I had no idea what the hell that meant, but apparently when your blood is too acidic you feel fatigued and achey, and a bunch of other stuff. Since I had been telling folk that tired was sort of the baseline of my existence, this suddenly made sense to me.

So we switched up some dialysis blah blah blah, you can email me if you want the details, sometimes my life bores even me, but suffice to say that the clouds parted and the birds sang and all the woodland creatures stayed right in the forest, thank god.

I told my niece, Eldest, that I woke up in a fucking Disney princess movie. She opined that  I was the freakiest Disney princess EVER.

I love that kid.

Anyway, I decided that the word of the day is LAZINESS, so I thought I would ask you guys if you had any questions you want me to answer. I pretty much will answer anything except math questions. I am not good at math. I took algebra six times and failed each time. Even when I took the Algebra For Idiots course, you know, where they divvy up Algebra One into two years. Yeah, that was not awesome.

On the list of stuff I want to do, right up next to world domination and forcing people to find me amusing, is write a web comic.

OK, if I am really being honest, and I do try,  I want to write a web comic so that I have the opportunity to be a cartoon character. And for those of you even now opening your gobs to say something snarky about me already being cartoony and something of a character (I’m looking at you, Fathead and the Unbearable Hotness Of Robert) I am VERY SERIOUS about this. See? ALL CAPITAL LETTERS = SERIOUS. And kind of shouty, but what can you do? I must work within the limitations of the medium, dudes.

Since I was a kid I have wanted to be a voice actor, and I would have been excellent if I had not gotten sidetracked into my current career as a mentally ill alcoholic, which has led to my late life renaissance as a patient with kidney failure, which, as I am sure you have guessed, keeps me very busy while not being in any way lucrative, although I have managed to acquire quite a bit of heavy grade percocet, which isn’t that great because HELLO! Recovering alcoholic.

I just can’t seem to win.

Also, I have all the drawing ability of a skink, an animal well known for it’s inability to draw more than stick figures, and not even those with any regularity. That’s right, I have skink-like artistic abilities. SHUT UP.

So, if you think you can draw and want to draw a web comic, email me. Of course, the other requirement is that you find me amusing. And BAM! just like that, two goals with one post. I’ll be done with that list in no time.

I’ll be over here. Waiting. SHUT UP.

We are now a week away from Tracymas, the most wonderful time of the year, and preparations are under way. We will be hosting our Tracymas Supper at my favorite Chinese restaurant, since we all know I am a fool for the noodle, and there shall be feasting and rejoicing amongst my people.

In honor of this international holiday of awesomeness and win, I am asking all of you, my loyal readers, to take a picture of whatever you are doing on Tracymas and send it to me. It doesn’t matter what you are doing, as household chores and errands are also an important part of the Tracymas tradition, as is sitting on your ass doing nothing much, which is referred to in the historical Tracymas texts as “playing fuckaround”.

So send me your pics, and I shall post them here, along with my usual commentary. And if you want to come to my Tracymas Supper, email me and I’ll give you the details of where and when.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am due to play fuckaround.

So we are solidly into the holiday season, and I can’t help but be happy. I LOVE CHRISTMAS.
I don’t like many holidays, but Christmas is AWESOME. It just makes me happy to buy presents for people, and get together. It’s like this holiday encapsulates all my favorite things to do. You know, hanging out, surprising people, eating food, and presents. It’s like Heaven. If I believed in that sort of thing.

Those of you who have been loyal readers will perhaps remember that I traditionally do the 12 Guests Of Christmas at this time of year. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to organize that this year, since I’m gearing up for travel.
However, I will not be bringing my computer with me on my trip, because really, people, I am taking the dialysis machine and there is only so much shit I can bring, you know?
So I’m asking for volunteers to guest post. I’ll be gone for two weeks, and I would welcome anything you guys would care to contribute.