Posts Tagged ‘Banalities’

I got a parking ticket when I went downtown to meet my sponsor last week. $39.

Downtown Seattle, the meter people are fucking fascists. This is not to say that this isn’t a valid ticket, because it totally is. That doesn’t mean I A) am happy about it or B) can afford it. $39 for 10 minutes of parking, because that’s how late I was.

I AM KILLING MYSELF WITH THIS SHIT.

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In other news, when the hell are they going to start making self cleaning clothes? Because I don’t need a fucking jet pack or a flying car, but self cleaning clothes would totally come in handy.

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Yeah, I totally did laundry today. Annoying, but at least I won’t have to go commando.

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There is no way to cook edible lentils in 30 minutes. Just not possible. Trust me on this.

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Goddamned cat keeps trying to eat my popcorn. Then acts all surprised when I throw him across the room. Stupid cat. I DO NOT SHARE MY POPCORN. Do I try to eat YOUR treats? No,  I do NOT.

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OK, that’s it. Go away now. GO ON. SHOO.

So I went to see my doctor today and found out that my good cholesterol has skyrocketed while my bad cholesterol has decreased.

I am hereby declaring myself the Valedictorian Of Cholesterol.

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I was a hair model for a class at the salon I frequent and I got a smoothing treatment and a haircut. I am now so awesome that I can barely stand myself.

No, really, it looks good. And it smells of Tootsie Rolls. For serious.

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Grant sent me a bar of bacon soap, since everyone knows that guys dig the smell of bacon. Between that and the hair cut, my hotness has become damn near unbearable.

Look out, world. Bacon scented Tracy is on the way.

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Also, Mixed Berry Yogurt Parfait from Trader Joe’s is my new crack. You have been warned.

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And now I am off to, well, I don’t know, watch cartoons, maybe? Yes, cartoons. SHUT UP.

So I lost three days to recovery from La Flippity Flop, and I am not sure exactly what I did or who I talked to during those days. I’m pretty sure I had supper with Sizzle, and I probably talked to some people on the telephone, but I have no idea who or what I said.

Welcome to my life.

But today I actually felt quite good, and so I got up at, like , 8 AM and by noon had done three loads of laundry, taken out the recycling, vacuumed the carpets, washed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, made a meal, and took out the trash.

I may have been possessed by the spirit of Bev Kaply.

And now, having set up my machine for tomorrow, I am watching all three Star Wars movies, in order, the REAL ones, not that weird ass shit with Jar Jar Binks. I shall eat a good supper, take a nice shower and go to bed early. Because it is motherfucking hot outside, and the sun wants me dead, so I am staying in the frosty cold fastness of my bat-cave until I have to venture forth to the brain doctor.

That’s just how I roll. Or flop. You know, whatever.

So.

Last year, the internet gave me a Kindle. This was awesome,  and not just because my friends are awesome, but because reading is like breathing, it must be done regularly and the Kindle makes it far easier for me, especially with the rheumatoid arthritis. I have the arthritis, not the Kindle. The Kindle doesn’t have joints. At least not diseased ones.

ANYWAY, I love my Kindle, which I call Robobook, and I take it everywhere with me. I took it to New England at Christmas, and while there I noticed that there was a spot on the screen. It also started taking a long time to load, and it was getting…quirkier by the day.

Also, the front and back were starting to separate, obviously ungood. I sent an email to Amazon, and they sent me a number to call, but I kept getting sick and having surgery and such, and so only got around to calling them today.

ANNNNNND the warranty ran out on the 23rd.

But, and here is why I have a deep abiding love for Amazon, they are replacing it anyway. And no, I didn’t yell at them or anything, they just said that is what they were going to do. And they are sending me a pre-printed label to return the old one.

And this is good because a life without my Robobook is a life not worth living, dudes. SHUT UP.

Things are a little fucked up at the moment. I’m having an arthritis flare, which sounds pretty and fun but really isn’t. Because all the little bones in my hands and feet feel like they are broken.

I am typing this with my nose. OK, that was a lie.

Also, it is at the very end of a really long month, so I am broke and have resorted to my usual coping mechanism, which is researching crazy shit on the internet. Remember when I tried to toilet train my cats? And when I was going to stop washing my hair? All concepts conceived at the end of the month when I was broke. It’s like I get infected with loony.

So, in an effort to not be crazy, I am going to go take a nap then do some household chores. Let’s all hope that tides me over, but if I do get a crazy idea that I become convinced is good, believe me, I’ll be writing about it.

I can’t help myself, dudes. That’s why I am heavily medicated. For your protection.