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So, last night I had a dream in which people made fun of my 5 month old pedicure. In the dream, people were actually shrieking and running away. I kept telling them it wasn’t that bad, but no one agreed with me.

*sigh*

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I am watching the World Cup. Now, since many of  you, my loyal readers, are American, the World Cup is a very big deal everywhere except the USA. I watch it every four years, because I love that sort of thing, as evidenced by my glee at the Olympics.

I played soccer as a child, which I know may come as a shock to those of you who know me, as it involves moving around in a rapid manner and possibly sweating, things I am notably against. But it’s true, and I played on a boy’s team, as there were no girl’s teams to be joined.

I was not very good, but was enthusiastic, as I am terribly competitive, a failing well known by those of you who have  had the misfortune to compete with me in, well, anything.

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I often wonder how many kilos of crap is in my colon at any one time. I am slightly afraid to find out.

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Ok, now I must go. Shut up, I have SHIT to DO. Yeah, not really.

There is something about the Law and Order that sucks me in every time. This morning, when I turned on the TV, it happened to be on the USA channel and before I could change the channel it was all over. I was completely sucked in, partly because of IceT and Mariska Hargitay, but partly because, well, it just SUCKS ME IN.

Goddamned crime procedural.And there goes two hours of my life that I will NEVER GET BACK.

Dick Wolf has a lot to answer for in terms of lost productivity.

I think I mentioned that my upstairs neighbors died/moved out. They were a couple, who played the same three Motown songs over and over really loudly all night long, and they were pretty seriously creepy.

The woman would hang out in front of the building, doing the Thorazine shuffle and alternately begging and demanding change and cigarettes. Her husband/partner was a huge man who would stand too close in the elevators and walk her around the building. They both had the fifty yard stare of the hard core alcoholic/mentally ill.

Anyway, after three years of being alternately plagued and weirded out by them, the woman apparently died of something and the guy is moving to a smaller unit on the other side of the building.

I might actually get some sleep this summer.

By the way, the fact that I think this stuff makes me human. The fact that I type it out and publish it to the web is why I am A) not really very nice and B) on several types of anti psychotic.

So I am an excellent cook. No, really, I am far better than I thought I was and I eat my own cooking all the time.

One of the gifts of living in an area with a huge Asian population is the ability to buy exotic-y mushrooms for not a lot of money. Yesterday at Uwajimaya I bought some shiitake, oyster and other mushrooms and today I cooked them up and they were delicious. I had never made them like this before, so here is what I did. It took about ten to fifteen minutes, from prep to eating.

MUSHROOMS!

Cut up mushrooms into slices. Drop into a warm pan a pat of butter, unsalted, about the thickness of two fingers . Drop in mushrooms, then add garlic and onion powders. Don’t crowd too many mushrooms in the pan, as the first bunch cooks down, shove them to the side of the pan and add more butter and the rest of the mushrooms.

When they have cooked down, add some Tamari Soy Sauce, which has a richer flavor than regular soy sauce. Cook until all the mushrooms are coated. Then dump all of that onto the rice I actually told you to cook first.

SHUT UP, I totally DID.

Under the heading of MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS AMAZING, I have eaten the new Yoplait Light Red Velvet Cake flavor and OH MY GOD IT TASTES LIKE FROSTING.
And that is an excellent thing, people.
You may resume your regularly scheduled whathaveyous. BEGONE I SAID!